Moses vs Santa Claus
Moses vs Santa Claus is the twenty-seventh installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the twelfth episode of Season 2. It features the Jewish prophet, Moses, rapping against the magical figure of Christmas, Santa Claus, and his elves. It was released on December 10th, 2012. Cast Nice Peter as Santa Claus Snoop Dogg as Moses EpicLLOYD as the elves Monica Weitzel and Elena Diaz as Moses' honeys (cameos) Lyrics [Note: Santa Claus is in dark red, Moses is in dark yellow, and the elves are in tan.] 'Santa Claus:' Sweet robes, Obi, Wan-too-many days in the sun? Stop preaching, homie. Teach your flock to covet some fun! I bring joy every year. Man, I represent cheer! You represent sandals and a scraggly beard! I'm from the North Pole! That's why my rhymes are so cold! I spit diamonds, but I'm serving up some fresh coal! You been a naughty boy. You brought a plague of frogs. You best arrest yourself, you broke your own law! Or was there something in rule six I didn't understand? My list says, "Killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand." I read your book. You got a strict religion. No bacon? But mandatory circumcision? I'm a jolly bowl a jelly, giving holiday presents. But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous! 'Moses:' When I was high upon the mountain, God revealed the truths of the Earth. But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf. It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass. You took the Christ outta Christmas and just added more mass. You need to stop breakin' into houses and creepin' and peepin' On naughty kids while they sleepin' and keep your hands off my stocking. Don't you Ho-Ho me. I'll split your ass in half like I did the Red Sea. You ain't a saint, you a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow. Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go. 'Santa Claus and the elves:' We ain't slaves! All that sand turned your brain to mush! I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush. Yeah, we're magical workers, man! We hang with reindeers. Yo, here's a GPS! Who gets lost for 40 years? You're a glorified secretary, so write this down! Begat deez nutz! Santa Claus is coming to town! 'Moses:' So much drama in the Israe-L B.C. It's kinda hard talking directly to the G O single D. Hand me my chisel, I got a new commandizzle for y'all. Thou shalt not let children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall. I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy, And walk off into the land of my milk and honeys. Scrapped lyrics 'Moses:' I crossed deserts and scaled mountains with my staff How else do you think I got these two golden calves? This mofo ain't got mojo like Moses Mo' money is yo' motivation and you know this I'm the prophet's prophet fo' sho' yo You're a prostitute for profit so ho ho ho You're a UPS man who doesn't get paid Watch out Santa cuz you're about to get sleighed You hang with elves and deer whose noses glow When I'm finished with my crew you'll be screaming, let my little people go I'm a prophet you're a fat saint named Nick I took my folks and led them out of Egyptian evil I'm talking Exodus, movement for Jew(ish?) people I'm a prophet who stayed on a mountain for 40 nights before I came off it You're a puppet for profit hungry rich motherfuckers stuffing their pockets Lay off the sweets fat man, you're hella chubby They should call your hood the land of way too much milk and honey Stay away from my chimney with your candy canes and peppermints Where I'm from that's called breaking and entering I'll sick my snake cane on you Without me there'd be no you 'Santa Claus:' You sleigh me? It took you forty years to make your people happy Christmas is the promised land so get the fuck out Have fun with Chanukah I'll deck your balls Poll Trivia General *This is the first battle to involve a religious figure rapping. *This is the second battle to include an Egyptian character. *This is the third battle to feature holiday-themed figures. *Santa Claus' naughty list reads the following: **Master Chief - Has Guns, Repeated acts of violence **Mister Rogers - Creepy. Rascist? (sic) **Moses - Killed Egyptian Dude, Buried him in sand **Mozart - Too Loud ***All of these characters had been in an ERB before apart from Mozart who appeared in a future battle. *This is the third battle in which the characters do not dance during the "Who won? Who's next? You decide!" sequence, after John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly and Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood. *It is the first battle to not show the rappers on the cover art. *On August 22, 2016, "If Snoop returns in a future rap battle who should he portray?" was written in the description of the video. **The quote was then changed to, "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live," before the release of Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton. Continuity *If you look closely at the stone tablet Moses carries in his second verse, "ERB" is written on the fifth line down. Production *This is the first rap battle to have an A-list rapper portray a character. *This is the first battle to not show the two rappers side-by-side as to do so would break the illusion of EpicLLOYD being shorter for his portrayal of the Christmas elves. *Santa Claus has a different title card in the "CC Translated" video for this battle. References *The cookie around Santa Claus' neck could be a reference to Nice Peter's song "Santa is a Gangsta," where he also plays Santa Claus, only without a fat suit and different attire. Also, EpicLLOYD plays a Christmas elf in both videos. *Part of Moses' second verse is a parody of one of Snoop Dogg's songs, "Gin And Juice". Errors *Although the cover art shows Santa's hand wearing a white glove, he does not wear any gloves during the battle. *Moses can be seen with sweatpants and socks during almost every scene with him in it. *During the line, "I'm from the North Pole", the lyrics are shown incorrectly as, "I'm from North Pole". *The word "racist" is spelled as "rascist" on Santa's naughty list. *During the line, "I'm a jolly bowl o' jelly, giving holiday presents", the intended "o'" is transcribed as an "a". Related videos Epic Rap Battles of History - Behind the Scenes - Moses vs Santa Claus KARAOKE ♫ Moses vs Santa Claus. Epic Rap Battles of History. INSTRUMENTAL TRANSLATED Moses vs Santa Claus. Epic Rap Battles of History. CC Secret Snoop. Category:Character main pages Category:Epic Rap Battles of History Category:Season 2 Category:Moses vs Santa Claus Category:Nice Peter Category:EpicLLOYD Category:Snoop Dogg Category:Elena Diaz Category:Monica Weitzel